A Message to Single Parents

I was the youngest of three children in my family. My mother was a single parent. She worked two jobs and spent a majority of her time and energy just trying to make it. You see, she left my father when I was only three months old. She did this because he developed a problem with the bottle and was never able to shake it. My older brother was eight years old and my older sister was five. My mother did everything she could to provide for us. We never went to bed hungry, and we never lacked for any of the necessities of life. She gave of herself more than any of us ever had to do. And yet there were times that I resented her.

I resented my mother because she was not able to give us all the "finer things" in life. I had friends who receive material things that could not simply because we did not have the extra money to get it. Do you remember parachute pants? I wanted a pair of parachute pants so badly, I would have killed someone for a pair! How about the first pair of Air Jordan's that came out? You know the ones with the red and black and white design? I got Pro-wing Eagles (shout out to Pay less Shoe Source)! My mother worked very, very hard. When I was young, she held two jobs. She was a teacher's aid at school during the day. She got off that job at 3pm and started her second job at Wal-Mart. She had to be there by five. She wore herself out day and night for us and yet I still resented her at times for not having enough money to do the extras. My mother and I have a wonderful relationship, and we can talk about almost anything. We often talk about the bad days, as well as the better days. I've also talked to my wife about those days and she asked me an interesting question. She asked why I didn't direct any of my anger towards my father for not being there. Initially I did not have an answer. Now I do.

You see, I wrote my father off years ago. I met him for the first time when I was around three or four years old. I saw him sporadically throughout my life. The last 10 years of his life before he passed away, I did not see him at all. I did not even allow him to come to my wedding. Don't get me wrong, I loved my father. I realize now that he was just as much of a victim of circumstance as I was. I just felt sorry for the man he never became. Or did he? Never mind, I'm rambling. Anyway, I never expected anything from him because he was rarely around. He was rarely around during my childhood, and never around in my adult life. So I got accustomed to him not being there. My idea of a proper family unit when I was a child consisted of my mother, my brother, my sister, and me. Many children today have this same misguided view of family. My mother, on the other hand, was always accessible. So she received my resentment and frustrations because she was available to me. She was the only face I saw, so I released all of my frustrations on her. SINGLE PARENTS...listen to me. Your kids lash out at you because they don't have any other outlet. Please, try not to take it personal. They love you, but you are all they have. So you are their mother, their father, their sounding board, and their padded cell, all rolled into one.

TBC (to be continued...)

Peace and Love,

Rev. Mike





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